Esme was NOT Kidding
by Appy4la
Summary: In the world of Amusement parks with the Cullens. In the last chapter of previously mentioned fanfic, Esme jokingly threatened Emmet with making him take up a job. What if she wasn’t joking…?
1. Intro

Story Stats:

Title: Esme was NOT Kidding

Summary: In the world of Amusement parks with the Cullens. In the last chapter of previously mentioned fanfic, Esme jokingly threatened Emmet with making him take up a job. What if she wasn't joking…?

Rating: K

Thank you to: LunarTears, for beta reading and to several friends who helped me come up with "the List". Their names shall remain anonymous, but you know who you are. And thank you to the reviewers of Amusement Parks with the Cullens.

Note: This has absolutely NO New Moon content that I'm aware of, seeing as I haven't read it yet. :sob:

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. YAY STEPHANIE MEYER!

Author's Note: This story was originally going to be a one-shot, but now I've decided now that it shall be two chapters, a prologue, and an epilogue. No more, no less, because I really need to work on my other fanfics. I merely writing this one now because I'm having a tad of writer's block on the others and this idea won't go away, so here goes:

_**Esme was NOT kidding**_

_Prologue_

Once upon a time, in a happy kingdom, err, town, called Forks, there was a castle. Or at least, it seemed like a castle to some, but was actually just a big house. Anyhow, in this house lived seven extraordinary people. Vampires.

This particular Saturday had been dubbed "Movie Day", a choice that had been made the previous midnight. But the plans, however, were shattered by bitter reality.

Screams, shrieks, and noises too bizarre too have names echoed inside the house. Luckily, the house was sound proof, so no humans in the surrounding area heard the noise.

Inside the house, four people tried to calm the disturber of the silence.

"Emmet! Please calm down!" Rosalie yelled at Emmet.

"Jasper! Do something!" Alice.

Jasper concentrated, sending waves of calm at the unhappy vampire.

When Emmet stilled, Edward let go of his iron grip, freeing Emmet.

Emmet smiled weakly. "It's all cool," He said, then suddenly ran yowling out of the house.

Rosalie sighed and went after him.

From the entrance of the room, Esme watched in unabashed amusement. She clapped. "He took that better than I thought!" Esme commented brightly.

Edward, Jasper, and Alice shot glares at her.

"What?" Esme inquired. "You can do movie day tomorrow." Do you think it unfair I'm making him earn money to repay his dept to the park?"

They shook their heads wordlessly.

Esme looked at their solemn faces and added, "And you all found that completely unfunny?"

Jasper, Alice, and Edward exchanged glances. And burst out laughing.

A knock sounded on the door.

Edward raced to open it, for he knew it was Bella, who had come for Movie Day.

It was.

Bella gave Jasper and Alice weird looks, for they could not yet stop their laughter.

"Any reason?" Bella asked, jerking her head in the two's direction.

They explained the situation between laughs. By the end, Bella was laughing too. So, it would have been a weird sight for any salesperson who ventured to open the door, but, alas, it was not a salesperson who entered the house next, it was Rosalie, pulling along a worried looking Emmet.

Emmet's expression dropped when he saw them all laughing. "WHAT, do tell, ARE YOU ALL LAUGHING YOUR JOLLY HEADS ABOUT!"

They laughed harder.

"TELL ME! YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME, AREN'T YOU! No seriously, please tell. I really hate being left out of a joke."

Bella took pity on him. "Chill, Emmet. We were just saying how much fun it'll be for you to get a job."

"It will?" Emmet.

Bella continued, "Of course it will. Job interviews will be fun. Tell you what. We'll come up with a list of possible jobs, and then, I, Edward, Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie will take turns going to interviews with you."

"You will?" Emmet again.

"We will!" All the others, minus a smug Esme.

Bella shot them all a look, "Of course we will."

"Of course we will…" They grumbled back.

Emmet clapped. "Yay!"

"Yay," They repeated dully back at him.

Emmet grew suspicious, "Why do you guys keep repeating people?"

Jasper answered, "Trying desperately to contain our unbeatable enthusiasm."

Emmet brightened, "Oh! How jolly then!"

"What's with the jolliness, Emmet?" Edward asked.

"Oh, I just feel happy now you guys decided to come along," Emmet explained cheerily.

Edward sighed deeply, "No. I meant with you using the _word_ jolly. You've never used it before."

"Huh," Emmet said, "I guess I saw in a book and the word is just so… just so… so _jolly_ I can't resist using it!"

"I see…" though it sounded like Edward didn't really see, but didn't care either.

"Let's get started on that list then, ay?" Bella suggested.

"Not so jolly!" Emmet yelped, running from the room.

"Maybe it'd be better if we let him mull over the idea of working while we come up with a list." Rosalie suggested.

"Ok…," Bella watched out the window as the blur that was Emmet disappeared into the forest. "Anyone got some paper and a pen?"

"Right here!" Edward handed her the requested supplies.

"Great," Said the take-charge Bella, "Any ideas then?"

There was a pause.

"Oh come on! You've been living for how long? You must be creative!"

The challenging note in Bella's voice did it. There was a babble of noise that Bella couldn't make out.

"Whoah! Slow down; I'm only human," She chuckled at the joke and Alice joined her, Rosalie smirked, and Edward narrowed his eyes, afraid Bella might bring up 'The Argument' with that lead. And Jasper… well, Jasper didn't really pay much attention to Bella's little joke. He was too busy at the moment coming up with jobs for Emmet that would funny. This was a good chance for payback for the time at the lake with the shark.

Jasper shuddered at the memory. (A/N: Let me know if you want this elaborated :evil laugh: )

"Hellooooo! Anyone home?" Someone rapped on his skull, not enough to hurt, but enough to be annoying.

It was Rosalie… of course.

"What?" Jasper snapped.

"Care to join the discussion?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. Anything on the list yet?"

"Yep!" Bella said happily. "So far we have: Ice Cream Man-"

"A WHAT!" Jasper laughed/yelped/barked out/shouted out with glee.

"Ice Cream Man. Think of the perks! Well, for me anyhow," Bella repeated, while Jasper choked on air.

"We also have down, a hair dresser-"

Jasper choked again.

"Rosalie's idea," Edward informed him.

"What! They have lots of hair dressers that are guys!"

"And Alice suggested a pet store worker," Bella concluded, then shot Jasper a concerned look. He looked like he was dying.

"Is Jasper…ok…dying?" Bella asked.

Rosalie smacked Jasper on the back, "Snap out of it, Jasper, it's not that funny."

"Yes-laugh, laugh, laugh,-it- laugh, laugh, laugh- is- laugh, laugh, laugh-!"

"Take this seriously, Jasper," Edward tried keeping a straight face.

Bella gave Jasper her best librarian stare. It worked to a certain extent.

"How about…" Jasper trailed of laughing, then finished in rush, "A fast food worker!"

Jasper started fresh laughter, but Bella solemnly put it down.

After about a half hour of the like they had a list and a hat full of their names, so that they could draw who went with Emmet where.

And thus was the list:

_Emmet's Job Ideas (He _must _try them all, if he disagrees, we'll take it up with Esme. Mwhahaha! No Edward, I'm not conversing in the language of Mhwhaha's. Simply laughing. So sue me. Just kidding! Why was I Mwhaha-ing? Cause of something I wrote; see here? Why am I writing this all down instead of saying it? I dunno, it sounded fun, I guess. On with the list? If you say so…)_

_Starting over then…_

_Emmet's Job Ideas_

_Hair Dresser_

_Fast Food Worker (McDonald's? Burger King?)_

_Ice Cream Man_

_Pet Store Worker_

_Grocery Store Dude_

_Rock Band Member_

_Movie Set Worker_

_Dance Instructor (tap dancing)_

_Substitute Teacher (heheh, feel sorry for the kids already)_

_Book Store Person_

_Amusement Park Conductor (AHAHAHA! Just kidding. Emmet would freak if he saw that. Heheh.)_

_Garden Designer_

_TV Host_

_Photographer_

_Model_

_Farm Hand (Mwhahaha!)_

_Pilot_

_Nurse (Carlisle's Assistant)_

_Dentist assistant_

_Window Washer (omg)_

_Waitress_

_Janitor_

_Lawyer (heheh, Emmet's on his way to presidency! Shudder)_

_Reporter_

_Lifeguard_

_Total : 24_

_This out to be good…_

"Oh Emmet! We have a list for you!"

Author's Note: It's not too late to send in ideas for jobs, but this is your last chance. Hope you enjoyed!


	2. The Musical Mistake

Author's note: Yes, I'm finally updating. But I have a shocking piece of information to announce… I lied! 00 Because this story will not be as short as I have thought. No, instead, each chapter will be a different transcript of each job Emmet tries for. Some will be short, some will be long. I hope that's ok will everyone. Please forgive my lie… :D

Also, please note, that I will actually draw who goes with Emmet where, unless of course, I have reason for a particular person to go with him. Like in this chapter. The reason will become apparent later on.

Esme was NOT Kidding

Chapter 2

Edward's Record

When Rosalie finally persuaded Emmet into the room, they let him look over the list that Bella had created. (A/N: quotes from the list are in italics)

_Emmet's Job Ideas (He _must _try them all, if he disagrees, we'll take it up with Esme. Mwhahaha! No Edward, I'm not conversing in the language of Mhwhaha's. Simply laughing. So sue me. Just kidding! Why was I Mwhaha-ing? Cause of something I wrote; see here? Why am I writing this all down instead of saying it? I dunno, it sounded fun, I guess. On with the list? If you say so…)_

"Whoa!" Remarked Emmet, "Bella wrote this?"

This caused a flurry of action in which everyone else hurried over to read over her shoulder, while Bella looked on, blushing. Alice and Rosalie cracked up.

_Starting over then…_

_Emmet's Job Ideas_

_Hair Dresser_

"You think I'm going to be WHAT NOW?"

_Fast Food Worker (McDonald's? Burger King?)_

Emmet narrowed his eyes at the others.

_Ice Cream Man_

"Now _that_ I could do! Spreading joy to little kids… and to me! Free ice cream! Yeehah!"

_Pet Store Worker_

Emmet gave the others a "are you for real?" look.

_Grocery Store Dude_

"Getting a little uncreative, I must say."

_Rock Band Member_

"OOH! COOL! MUST TRY!"

"Calm down, Emmet." Rosalie said.

_Movie Set Worker_

_Dance Instructor (tap dancing)_

"Who says I can tap dance?"

Alice rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, the time at the amusement park, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

_Substitute Teacher (heheh, feel sorry for the kids already)_

"So NOT spreading joy."

_Book Store Person_

_Amusement Park Conductor (AHAHAHA! Just kidding. Emmet would freak if he saw that. Heheh.)_

Uh… Emmet's unable to come up with a witty comment for this one, on account of him hyperventilating on the floor.

_Garden Designer_

Still hyperventilating from the last one.

_TV Host_

"Hmm… that one has possibilities…"

_Photographer_

"Interesting… very interesting…"

_Model_

_Farm Hand (Mwhahaha!)_

Emmet looks in danger of hyperventilating again.

_Pilot_

"Oh, cool! Like a stunt one! Who crashes planes!"

Others: Gulp

_Nurse (Carlisle's Assistant)_

_Dentist assistant_

_Window Washer (omg)_

_Waitress_

"Uh, Bella, you know I'm a_ guy_, don't you?"

_Janitor_

_Lawyer (heheh, Emmet's on his way to presidency! Shudder)_

"That's it! My life calling! I'm going to run… for PRESIDENT!"

_Reporter_

"This is Emmet Cullen, reporting for Forks News. We have reason to believe that Esme Cullen aka the one who got me into this mess, is a VAMPIRE!"

_Lifeguard_

_Total : 24_

_This ought to be good…_

"24! 24 jobs to try out! This is ridiculous. I refuse." Emmet exclaimed, now that he was done reading the list.

"No, you will do it," Said Esme, who was gliding through the room. Just as she left she added, "And Emmet, I'd prefer you don't go giving away what we are."

Emmet scowled.

"Let's get started!" Alice cheered.

"We can't ALL go," Bella reminding them.

Alice looked put out for a moment, then suggested, "How about we draw names out of a hat?"

Everyone agreed, so they did. Emmet drew a name out of his hat that he'd volunteered.

"And the lucky winner is," Emmet boomed, "EDWARD CULLEN!"

"Oh yes, lucky me," Edward said sarcastically.

"Cheer up, Eddie, at least we're suffering together!"

At which point Emmet took off running, Edward close behind, yelling something that sounded like, "NEVER CALL ME EDDIE!"

The remaining Cullens and Bella waited about five minutes before they returned, Edward looking triumphant, Emmet keeping a safe distance from Edward.

"I don't even want to know," Esme said passing through the room again.

Emmet didn't scowl again at her, because he was busy throwing scared looks at the grinning Edward.

"So, what does my job consist of?" Edward asked more cheerily.

Alice handed him a notebook and a couple of pens.

"Take these," She instructed, "And keep an exact record of what happens."

"Is that really necessary?" Emmet asked.

"Yes, it is," Alice told him, "That way you can prove to Esme you tried."

"Oh, ok," Emmet said, looking relieved until Alice added, "And of course, it'll make us laugh!"

"Sob," Emmet said.

"Now we have to draw what job!" Alice told them.

Emmet shrugged, so Alice went ahead and drew one.

"Rock Band Member," She read, and Emmet cheered.

"Sweet!" He yelled and bolted out the door.

Edward shrugged at them. "Be careful with Bella," He said and followed Emmet.

_The Following is a Hand Written Document by_

_Edward Cullen_

_My 'brother', Emmet and I, are currently walking down one of Forks streets. We have just recently seen an ad for rock band tryouts for some new group that's starting and called ahead to say we're coming. Hopefully, Emmet will get a job there, so we can stop this madness. Yes, people reading this, madness._

_How I ask you, will Emmet get a job-_

_Emmet! Don't read over my shoulder. That's incredibly rude._

_Oh, I see. We've arrived at the house. _

_A guy is walking toward us. Emmet looks nervous, as if he actually cares. Ha!_

"_Hullo!" The guy greets us, "You must be, Emmet!" He sticks his hand towards me._

_Emmet just stares at him._

"_Uh, no," I say, "This is Emmet," I point at Emmet, "I'm Edward, his brother."_

"_Sweet," the guy, who is an older teen, says. "Um, why are you writing, man? Is that a diary?"_

"_No!" I protest. I don't even have a diary. As if I would need to record centauries that I'll remember forever._

"_What then, dude?" This guy sounds like Emmet. Why isn't Emmet talking!_

"_It's… a project I'm doing. Emmet!" I elbow Emmet._

"_Wha-!" Emmet jerks back to reality, looking panicked._

"_I-I-I'm Em-Emmet," Emmet stammers. I look at him shocked. Who knew he has a fear of job interviews._

"_Ememmet!" The guy rejoices, "Cool name! I'm Steve."_

_Emmet nods, not correcting his name._

"_Come on, Ememmet, follow me please, and we can get started." 'Steve' says._

_We follow him into the garage, where there are a few more people between Emmet and my own age._

"_Hey everyone," 'Steve' says, "This is Ememmet! And his brother, Edward."_

_They all say hi._

"_There are a few more members we're missing, but they couldn't make it," 'Steve' tells us._

_I listen to their thoughts. They seem nice. Emmet will be ok with them._

"_So, Ememmet, can you play the electric guitar?" 'Steve' asks._

"_No."_

"_Oh. How about the keyboard?" 'Steve' asks._

"_No."_

"_What can you play?"_

"_The drums," Emmet says._

"_Oh. Sorry, man, but we already have drummer. Came just before you did."_

_Emmet doesn't look to sad, thought still nervous._

_Suddenly, he blurts out four evil words I wish he could take back, "EDWARD PLAYS THE KEYBOARD!"_

'_Steve' looks interested. "Can you?"_

"_Uh, yeah," I say._

"_Play for us?"_

"_Uh, no thanks," I say at the same time Emmet says, "Of course he will!" I shoot Emmet a glare._

_The people start chanting for me to play, so, ONLY because I want to shut them up, I play._

_Here, Emmet, take this for a minute, would you? Thanks._

_HAHA! EMMET HERE NOW! Now this stiff 'lil entry will be livened up at last! Mission: Make Edward Play Rock Music is working splendidly! _

_MWHAHAHAHA! I'm genius! Genius I tell you! HAHAHAHAHHAHAA!_

_Wow, listen to Edward play. AhahaHA! They like the music. Bet they ask him to join their group._

_I'm so evil. I escaped the job. _

_I'm going to take a minute to be ashamed of myself._

_Ok, shame over! Bwhahaha!_

_So many laughs, so little time._

_Uh oh. Edward's looking suspiciously at me. Maybe I should have kept that last giggle- er laugh in._

_Edward! Don't do anything rash! Hey, what are you doing with that sharp and pointy stake? OH MY GOSH! AHH NOO EDWARD DON'T DO-_

_Hehe, just kidding._

_He really is giving me weird look though._

_Whatever._

_Uh oh. He's coming over. (nothing sharp or pointy though) Huzzah! I will see the next light! Which reminds me, I haven't written poetry for a while! Or eaten a banana… but that's another story. So here's my poem._

_They wanted me to find a job,_

_To that I replied, "Oh Sob,_

_I do not want to work,_

_But from duty I can not shirk._

_So I will silently suffer,_

'_Cause I know I'm much tougher,_

_Then to voice my complaint,_

_Instead of writing, I should Paint!_

_Ok, I admit, I was running out of ideas towards the end there. But you got to admit the start rocked!_

_Ooh. That last comment was ironic to say while I'm coughEDWARDcough auditioning for a rock band._

_Ah well._

_Oh, Edward's talking to me. I suppose I should listen._

_Uh oh._

_He says people are going to read this!_

_NO! I must shred it!_

_Ahem, this is Edward Cullen again. I have just saved this document from a frantic looking Emmet._

Back At The Cullen's house

"How did it go?" Esme asked upon Edward and Emmet's arrival.

"Fine," Emmet lied.

"Uh, not fine," Edward interrupted.

"Got a job!" Emmet pipes up.

"Oh, I'm so proud!" Esme says happily.

"Notice how he only said 'got a job' and not _who_ got a job," Edward interrupted again. "_I_ got hired."

A stunned silence fell over the now filled living room.

"Read this," Edward said, handing over the VIP (very important paper).

Author's Note: Hope you liked!

One more thing! Because of many requests, I'm going to type up the shark story and post it soon. :D Glad to know you were curious about it !


	3. Scissors of DOOM! Mwhahaha

**Author's Note: When they draw who goes when, Esme and Carlisle are included in that drawing. The job for this chapter was chosen by me and Emmet's escort was randomly chosen.**

_**The Scissors… of DOOM!**_

_**Lesson of the Day: (A/N: Yes, this is a new addition.**_

_**It'll be fun)**_

_**Never run with scissors… or bring them near a vampire**_

"Are you serious!" Alice shrieked with laughter, reading the account.

"Whoah, Emmet called you boring! How could he!" Bella exclaimed.

"He did what?" Edward made a grab for the paper, for he had not read the part added by Emmet, as he was distracted by his thoughts about being the keyboard player for a band.

Esme intercepted his grab and stole the paper away.

She read the paper, then took out a box and made a show out of locking it away.

Edward scowled.

"Now, now, Edward," Esme said, "If I let you see this paper, you'll shred it. And we can't have that now, can we? No, we need a record."

Edward's scowl deepened.

"Cheer up, Eddie! At least you won't have to come with me next time," Emmet said, confident he could pass the next job too.

Bella and the remaining Cullens watched in amusement as Edward began chasing Emmett again for the use of his hated nickname.

Actually, all the Cullens, minus Rosalie.

"Let's draw while they're playing chase, okay?" She suggested.

The other tore their gazes away from the amusing scene before them and reluctantly agreed.

Alice held out the Hat of Jobs for Rosalie. She drew out one quickly and glanced at it.

"Hair dresser," Rosalie announced with a smirk.

Alice clapped her hand over her mouth to prevent laughter. "I hope I go with!" Then she picked up the Hat of People and again offered it to Rosalie.

Rosalie drew and laughed out loud, "Carlisle!"

Alice groaned her disappointment.

Carlisle looked up from a notebook he was writing in, "Say what?" He asked, nonplussed.

"You've been chosen," Esme told him.

Carlisle looked surprised and happy.

"You know, from the hat," Jasper added and Carlisle's grin dropped.

"What job do I get to accompany him on?" Carlisle asked in a resigned voice.

"You didn't hear?" Alice asked.

"No."

"What were you doing that distracted you so much?"

"I was writing."

"Really? What are you writing?"

"A book for vegetarian vampires!"

"That's nice. But… uh… how are you going to publish it?"

Carlisle frowned. "I dunno. I suppose I could pass it off as a fiction novel that only a real vampire would know it for what it truly is."

"Clever," Bella agreed.

"You wouldn't need to read it, Bella," Edward, who had just reentered the room looking smug, told her.

"Of course I would," Bella started.

And thus, "The Argument" started up again, so the others were forced to ignore them.

"Carlisle," Rosalie called, bringing the attention back to the previous subject. Her attempt failed as just then, a scream followed by a loud crash came from the other room.

Then silence.

"Should we investigate that?" Bella asked.

Edward grinned conspiratorially.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "No. Edward's just set up one of his Emmet Traps. He'll be fine."

A shout came from the other room, "STOP THE SINGING! STOP THE INSANITY! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Are you sure he's ok?"

"Hunky dory," Edward assured Bella, grinning.

"Do I even want to know?" Bella asked.

Edward only shook his head and grinned.

"ANYWAY!" Rosalie roared. All looked at her. In a much quieter voice, she continued, "Thank you. Now, shall we return to the matter of Emmett's getting a job?" All nodded.

"Err, yes," Carlisle agreed, "I believe I was chosen for something?"

"Yes," Rosalie confirmed, "you will go with him when he interviews to be a hair dresser."

Carlisle stared blankly at her for a moment, then burst out laughing,

"You're…not…serious," He managed between laughs.

"Dead. Serious."

Carlisle nodded, suddenly also serious. "I'll go get him then." Carlisle left the room and returned shortly with a shuddering Emmett. "We'll just be going then. He'll be as right as rain in a moment."

"Rain. Right," Emmett repeated.

They left the house and got into Carlisle's black Mercedes (haha! I remembered Carlisle's car).

Bella watched from the window as they departed, and the others joined her shortly. While they were busy watching, Bella sprinted to the living room, barely keeping from tripping over the rug.

Edward was right behind her, keeping her from tripping over the rug.

Bella gasped when she saw the Cullen's method of Emmet Torture.

"How could you be so cruel!" Bella exclaimed appalled.

Edward frowned, "But… he called me… me… E…e…"

"Eddie?" Jasper suggested helpfully.

"Argh!" Edward yelped and took off after Jasper.

Bella clicked off the TV, which had been rigged to play a toddler's _singing_ TV show when the iron cage from the ceiling was released.

"I don't even want to know what else this house can do," Bella mumbled, wandering back into the living room.

At… THE MALL

Emmett : Help MEEEE!

"Out… of... the…car… Emmett!" Carlisle was currently parked outside the mall, trying to pry Emmett off of the car. Emmet was putting up a good fight.

"Never!" Emmet declared, gripping the door. "You won't take me alive!"

"Oh, well, that'll be easy then, seeing _as you're not!_" Carlisle chuckled quietly.

Emmett whimpered.

"You're going to damage the car, Emmett. Let go!" Carlisle chided. "What would Rosalie say if I told her she had to repair a dent _again,_ ay?"

Emmett's eyes widened as he gulped and simultaneously let go of the car, instead opting for the lamp post.

Carlisle sighed and tried reasoning again. "Come along, Emmett. You're causing a scene! What would… err… Aro say?"

Emmet let go of the lamp post in his confusion. "Aro? What's Aro got to do with any- Hey!"

Carlisle took the advantage of Emmett's distraction to pull him into the mall.

Emmet glared at Carlisle, who didn't even notice.

Emmet glared at the man in the business suit walking by. The man looked quickly away.

Emmet glared at the woman walking by. The woman grabbed her daughter's hand and sped up.

Emmet glared at the little girl. The little girl stuck out her tongue at him!

Emmet gaped. The audacity!

"Close your mouth, Emmett," Carlisle instructed as they walking into the hair dresser's lair. SALON! I meant to say Salon!

_The Following is a Recording_

_Of the Emmett Interviews_

_For a Job_

_The Particular Interview_

_At the Hair Dresser's_

_Is Recorded by:_

_Carlisle Cullen_

_Emmet and I walk into the shop. It's white. The floor is checkered black and white. The place bothers me, for some as of yet unknown reason._

_People are getting their hair cut as we sit in the waiting area. Their hair is mercilessly shorn off without a care. Oh yes, I nearly forgot. Their hair will grow back, while, alas, ours will not._

_Oh, bother. I think Emmett's rubbing off on me._

_Ah, well, after all these years it was bound to happen some time._

_Now Emmett's trying to look over my shoulder._

_Go away Emmett! This is confidential._

_He's not going away…_

_I'll tell Esme!_

_Ha. He says, "You wouldn't dare."_

_Oh. Look ahead Emmett! They are waving you up!_

_Yes, I'll come too._

_Wait. Why am I writing this instead of saying it?_

_Eh. It's just fun I guess. _

_Okay, they've just accepted Emmett for an interview. We're in._

_They lead us into a back room. Uh oh. Now they are inquiring about me! Writing!_

_I explain now._

_They've accepted! Now the interview begins…_

_HD (hair dresser): So, Emmett, right?_

_E(Emmett): That would be correct. :nodding:_

_HD: What experience do you have in this profession?_

_E: I've dabbled in it a few times._

_C(myself, Carlisle, for those who've forgotten): You have? _

_E:looking offended: Of course I have!_

_C: Interesting_

_HD: Anyway! Have you ever been trained professionally?_

_Now Emmet leans over and scribbles a message on this paper to me. It reads:_

Can I lie?

_Sigh. Esme will be so disappointed. I shake my head at him. He glares. I think his face may get stuck like that if he keeps it up._

_E: Well, erm, no. Not really._

_HD: I see… And why do you want this job, Emmett?_

_E:smiles evilly (uh oh): Because my family is blackmailing me to take it!_

_HD:is speechless:_

_C:warningly: Emmett… _

_HD:snaps out of it and stares at me: Hey! You have very cool hair man! Could I try something with it? _

_C: I suppose?_

_E: Go ahead, Carlisle, be wild._

_Emmett will now hold the paper…_

_YO PEOPLE! I'm back! Did you miss me? Hmm… let me scan this real quick. Interesting. Very interesting…_

_The hair dresser (or HD as C (or Carlisle) calls him) has just sat C down in a spinny chair. I wonder if I could get one of those._

_Oh no! HD has just pulled out a pair of shiny evil scissors! Carlisle will be scarred for life if his hair is cut! I try to warn him inconspicuously, but it comes out as a squeak. Ah well. Carlisle hears it anyways and looks up, only to see the scissors descending towards his head._

"_Ah!" He yelps and jumps up, running to the other side of the room._

"_It's okay, they are just scissors," HD tries, but Carlisle just shakes his head. _

_Oh my. Now HD is chasing Carlisle around the room with the scissors. Yikes._

"_Run, Carlisle, RUN!" I shout._

_I need to call in back up. It's Edward time._

_Edward arrives even before HD crosses the room to Carlisle._

"_STOP!" Edward commands, all dramatic like._

_HD looks at him. "And who might you be?"_

"_Edward Cullen," Edward says stiffly._

"_Edward Scissors Hands," I whisper, unable to help it._

_Edward glares at me and I gulp. Note to self for later when we leave: HIDE!_

_While HD stares at me (see, I help. I'm the distraction!) Edward walks over to Carlisle and together they leave. Leave. Leave as in gone. Leave as in Leave ME!_

_Wait up! I run out the door human speed._

"_What about your interview?" HD calls after me._

"_That's alright!" I shout back, "I call uh… that that person there to be my second! Interview him instead!" _

_Then I run and run and run and don't stop till I'm home. And FREEEEEEEEE!_

_End of Recording_

_Of the Hairdresser interview_

**Author's Note: Wicked Awesome! That chapter was nearly 2,000 words: does victory jig: **


End file.
